Movies and television shows are often about showing us a different side of life that we never would have experienced on our own if not for the magic of living vicariously through fictional characters. Beverly Hills 90210 was all about showing us that the children of the rich and snobby can live fulfilling, meaningful lives like any one of us. In fact, their lives are not so different.
Here are some things that the 90210 characters did on an average day that prove just how normal they really were.
- Get held up at gunpoint
- Help the police apprehend a rapist
-Have heartfelt talks with their siblings/stepsiblings
- Fight with their alcoholic parents
- Have sex on prom night
- Abstain from sex but then manage to be the only senior to get drunk on prom night
- Go on a crash diet and collapse in the bathroom of a local hangout
- Get their boyfriend high on ecstasy
- Get accused of date rape, and then become exonerated when it’s discovered that they saved a friend from being raped a year or so ago and can, therefore, not be a rapist.
- Forged their girlfriend’s name
That’s just a taste of the ordinary, everyday lifestyles of these normal teens who actually live quite happy, non-dramatic lives, despite their zip code.
I used to watch this show religiously when I was in high school. My dad didn’t like it. He was suspicious of the fact that all the kids seemed to be future psychiatrists in the making. And I have to agree that there was something patronizing about the way they talked to each other. Here are some memorable pearls of wisdom from those savvy 90210 kids:
Brenda Walsh: No matter how crazed and bent out of shape I ever got, you were always there for me and I'll never forget it. You really are my best friend.
Brandon Walsh: And I hope I always will be.
“What’s left for me? Dye my hair? Get a boob job?”
Donna Martin
“Babette used to be my mom’s coke connection.”
Kelly Taylor
Andrea:
Radically isn't a word.
Steve: It isn't a word....Its an attitude.
“It doesn't matter what you say about someone once they're gone. What matters is how you treat them when they're still here.”
David Silver
No, my father is gone and your daughter is gone, we're even now. The killing is done.
Dylan McKay
“Journalism, terrorism, what's the difference?”
Clare Arnold
Beverly Hills 90210 will always remain a fond memory for me. And if anyone ever tells you that it’s not a very good show, and that the characters are ignorant dimwits, you sit them down and you have a heartfelt discussion with them about all of the reasons why they’re wrong.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
What I Learned From American Idol
1. Never sing a song with the word "home" in the title. Examples: "I'm going home", "Home Sweet Home", etc. This should go unsaid.
2. If you want to know ahead of time whether or not you've gotten through to the auditions because you're great or because you're terrible, just take a look at your song choice If it's by Britney Spears or Madonna, you're toast. If it's a song by Leonard Cohen, you'll be praised to no end, and you better take it all in because now that you've whipped out "Hallelujah" for the first round, you don't have anywhere to go but down.
3. American Idol is now "Take a song and completely re-do it so it's not even recognizable anymore" Idol. I heard someone refer to it once as "Song-Arrangement Idol". Maybe we have David Cook to thank for this, but I get the feeling that all future winners will be held up to this standard. It will not come down to who's the most talented singer but, rather, who can change up a song the most. Never mind the fact that the winner is going to immediately be drained of all creativity the second the confetti falls and the contracts begin, and so how creative they are is really irrelevant.
3. In the words of Kara, contestants are better off sticking to "Early Aerosmith", like "Cryin" and "Crazy", and leaving "Late Aerosmith", like "Dream On", alone.
4. Each year, the judges seem to talk more and the contestants seem to sing less. By the year 2012, American Idol will become "Yakkity Yak Yak Yak Idol".
5. Don't beg. Don't backtalk. Just take the criticism and smile.
6. Don't do Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston. There's no glory in doing a second-rate performance of a second-rate song.
7. Don't do Michael Jackson. He's dead. He can't defend himself.
8. Most American Idol episodes could easily be twenty minutes shorter, with some judicious editing here and there. But editing and American Idol apparently aren't on a first name basis...
9. ...because, you know, Rod Stewart's performance during the finale in 2009 was five to ten minutes of my life I'll never get back.
Here are some American Idol archetypes to watch out for:
The Adam --- A hyped up idol contestant who can "sing the phone book". Ambiguously gay.
The Kris ---- Dark horse. Starts off with almost no exposure, but quickly picks up momentum. Usually drives the teenyboppers crazy. Good friends of the Adam. Ambiguously heterosexual.
The Gokey --- Early frontrunner who loses momentum as the competition progresses. Relies on early exposure to keep him going. "So white you can't be seen with him after Labor Day". Sorry, I read that about him somewhere, and it's funny because it's true. Good friend of himself.
The David/David Dichotomy --- A finale that pits the edgy rocker who likes to switch things up against the non-threatening boy, best exemplified by David Cook vs. David Archuleta in 2008. It could have been a one time thing, but then there was Kris and Adam in 2009.
The Jason Castro--- A contestant who's cute, and a decent musician, but doesn't seem to take the contest seriously. He gets eliminated after trying his hand at "Bob Dylan". Need I say more.
The Carly --- A girl who's really talented, but has too many tattoos to get much farther than Top 6.
The Brooke --- An "emotionally fragile" contestant who's been through so much, but is just so grateful to have the chance to show off her talent to the world.
Here's what the judges mean when they say certain things:
"You Can Sing the Phonebook" --- I wasn't really digging that song, but you're so good, I don't even care that the song was crap.
"Clumsy" --- Awkward, not good
"Package Artist" --- You're not the most talented person in the world, but your albums will be selling like hotcakes, and that's what we like to see.
"That was just all right for me" ---- You're in danger of going home tomorrow.
"It was like eating ice for lunch" ---- I didn't get much out of that performance. It left me wanting more.
"It's like what Adam would have done last year" ---- It's not really like anything Adam has ever done, but it was fantastic, and I loved it, and I loved Adam last year, so it was just like something Adam would have done.
"Unfortunately" --- Whenever Ryan or Simon says this, you can be sure they're about to deliver good news.
2. If you want to know ahead of time whether or not you've gotten through to the auditions because you're great or because you're terrible, just take a look at your song choice If it's by Britney Spears or Madonna, you're toast. If it's a song by Leonard Cohen, you'll be praised to no end, and you better take it all in because now that you've whipped out "Hallelujah" for the first round, you don't have anywhere to go but down.
3. American Idol is now "Take a song and completely re-do it so it's not even recognizable anymore" Idol. I heard someone refer to it once as "Song-Arrangement Idol". Maybe we have David Cook to thank for this, but I get the feeling that all future winners will be held up to this standard. It will not come down to who's the most talented singer but, rather, who can change up a song the most. Never mind the fact that the winner is going to immediately be drained of all creativity the second the confetti falls and the contracts begin, and so how creative they are is really irrelevant.
3. In the words of Kara, contestants are better off sticking to "Early Aerosmith", like "Cryin" and "Crazy", and leaving "Late Aerosmith", like "Dream On", alone.
4. Each year, the judges seem to talk more and the contestants seem to sing less. By the year 2012, American Idol will become "Yakkity Yak Yak Yak Idol".
5. Don't beg. Don't backtalk. Just take the criticism and smile.
6. Don't do Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston. There's no glory in doing a second-rate performance of a second-rate song.
7. Don't do Michael Jackson. He's dead. He can't defend himself.
8. Most American Idol episodes could easily be twenty minutes shorter, with some judicious editing here and there. But editing and American Idol apparently aren't on a first name basis...
9. ...because, you know, Rod Stewart's performance during the finale in 2009 was five to ten minutes of my life I'll never get back.
Here are some American Idol archetypes to watch out for:
The Adam --- A hyped up idol contestant who can "sing the phone book". Ambiguously gay.
The Kris ---- Dark horse. Starts off with almost no exposure, but quickly picks up momentum. Usually drives the teenyboppers crazy. Good friends of the Adam. Ambiguously heterosexual.
The Gokey --- Early frontrunner who loses momentum as the competition progresses. Relies on early exposure to keep him going. "So white you can't be seen with him after Labor Day". Sorry, I read that about him somewhere, and it's funny because it's true. Good friend of himself.
The David/David Dichotomy --- A finale that pits the edgy rocker who likes to switch things up against the non-threatening boy, best exemplified by David Cook vs. David Archuleta in 2008. It could have been a one time thing, but then there was Kris and Adam in 2009.
The Jason Castro--- A contestant who's cute, and a decent musician, but doesn't seem to take the contest seriously. He gets eliminated after trying his hand at "Bob Dylan". Need I say more.
The Carly --- A girl who's really talented, but has too many tattoos to get much farther than Top 6.
The Brooke --- An "emotionally fragile" contestant who's been through so much, but is just so grateful to have the chance to show off her talent to the world.
Here's what the judges mean when they say certain things:
"You Can Sing the Phonebook" --- I wasn't really digging that song, but you're so good, I don't even care that the song was crap.
"Clumsy" --- Awkward, not good
"Package Artist" --- You're not the most talented person in the world, but your albums will be selling like hotcakes, and that's what we like to see.
"That was just all right for me" ---- You're in danger of going home tomorrow.
"It was like eating ice for lunch" ---- I didn't get much out of that performance. It left me wanting more.
"It's like what Adam would have done last year" ---- It's not really like anything Adam has ever done, but it was fantastic, and I loved it, and I loved Adam last year, so it was just like something Adam would have done.
"Unfortunately" --- Whenever Ryan or Simon says this, you can be sure they're about to deliver good news.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Christina Reviews the 10th Season of *7th Heaven*
7th Heaven was one of those shows that did reasonably well for several seasons, even as the plots became old and the characters harder to keep up with (there were so many of them coming and going by the time Season 6 came along). Halfway through it's run, it was your regular soap opera, only with a Christian angle and characters who couldn't possibly believe half of the things that came out of their mouths. And then, after the 9th season, it was supposed to end. But then some genius decided that this religious cow could be milked for a few more episodes. A few more episodes turned into two more seasons.
I'm not going to review the entire series. I will, instead, focus on Season 10, the beginning of the (very long) end. I'm of the opinion that goodbyes should be quick and sweet. Apparently the writers of this show thought they should be painfully drawn out and characters the viewers had grown to love should be dragged through the mud so that you won't care anymore when they disappear from the screen. Apparently the phrase "quit while you're ahead" has no meaning to some people.
I must preface this review with a quick explanation of who everyone is so that those who aren't familiar with the series or the later seasons will know what I'm talking about.
The Camdens consist of Reverend Camden, his wife Annie and his children Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon, Ruthie, Sam and David. In Seasons 8 and 9, the son of a soldier---Martin Brewer---lived with the Camdens while his father was in Iraq. His father returned at the end of Season 9, and by Season 10, he and his father are living across the street. Simon Camden spends all of Season 9 sleeping with countless girls, and then, at the end of Season 9, he has an STD scare and decides to change his ways. He can no longer engage in casual sex, so when he meets a girl he wants to sleep with, he decides to get engaged to her to make it OK. This girl is Rose. In the beginning of Season 10, Simon and Rose are engaged. None of the Camdens like her.
Anyway, I think that gets everyone up to speed.
The 10th Season begins with a shocker. We learn that the honorable Martin Brewer (Tyler Hoechlin), who wore his virginity on his sleeve throughout Season 9, knocked up some girl named Sandy (Haylie Duff) the summer before. Simon Camden is horrified. After all, he was the one who invited Martin to visit the college campus where said knocking up occurred, and if it weren’t for his big brotherly goodwill, none of this would have happened.
Pretty much the rest of the season follows this basic plotline. Sandy wants to keep the baby. Martin would like it very much if she got lost. Even before he found out about the baby, he wasn’t all too interested in her, and yet he inexplicably had sex with her during a post-pizza campus tour. Must have been one hell of a pizza.
Ruthie falls in love with a senior named Jack (Garrett Strommen). Ruthie is a sophomore. Reverend Camden isn't thrilled with the idea of his daughter dating an older guy.
Jack was the summer boyfriend of Meredith (Megan Henning). Meredith is willing to trade Ruthie one Jack for one Martin Brewer. Ruthie isn't dating Martin, but they're friends. In case you’re wondering who Meredith is, she’s the foster daughter of the Smiths. The Smiths are the parents of Cecilia. Cecilia is Martin Brewer’s, and Simon Camden’s, ex-girlfriend. The sordidness of this whole affair is not lost on Mrs. Camden, who points out to Ruthie in the first episode that maybe Martin shouldn‘t be dating his ex-girlfriend‘s “sister". Ruthie brushes it off in true Camden fashion. Cecilia has been informed. The convoluted plotting may proceed.
The first episode also introduces the concept of Lucy as an associate pastor. She gives a sermon that puts the whole congregation to sleep.
Rose (Sarah Thompson) and Simon are still engaged. Rose is Sandy’s best friend, and she bristles at the thought that Martin and Sandy might get married before she and Simon do, never mind the fact that Martin can’t even stand being in the same pew as Sandy, let alone the same house for the rest of his life.
With this recap of the first episode complete, you now know how the rest of the season will go.
Never above a little good old-fashioned spying, the members of the Camden household slowly find out the truth about Martin and Sandy, and for a short time after that (an ever so brief period of time, you can be sure) they are put in the difficult position of trying to help Martin without letting him know they know he needs the help.
Meanwhile, Sandy nurtures the fantasy that she and Martin will one day marry and live happily ever after. This fantasy is cruelly shattered on a cold winter night when she wishes Martin a Merry Christmas and he has the temerity to not respond back with a similar well-wishing. She has a bonafide meltdown in Lucy and husband Kevin’s living room, and I have to say that this is the first time I’ve encountered, in a TV show or movie, a character cry over the fact that someone didn’t wish them a Merry Christmas. I’m sure it happens in real life all the time, so I appreciate the fact that we actually get to see such a reaction validated on the screen.
Ruthie wins Jack’s heart, then realizes it’s really Martin she wants after all. Simon is smitten with Rose. His days of alley catting around with the girls are gone. And Rose is as annoying as ever. That’s about all.
This season is certainly a guilty pleasure, but I am a bit disappointed in the way they ruined Martin’s character. In my opinion, the only thing that made his scenes interesting in the past was watching him go out with one slutty tramp after another and then not sleep with them. Apparently the “not sleeping with them” part got old.
Buy Season 10 if you are a diehard 7th Heaven fan. Don’t buy it, though, for the consistency.
See some of the trailers for Season 10 here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MXFMMKwCcY
I'm not going to review the entire series. I will, instead, focus on Season 10, the beginning of the (very long) end. I'm of the opinion that goodbyes should be quick and sweet. Apparently the writers of this show thought they should be painfully drawn out and characters the viewers had grown to love should be dragged through the mud so that you won't care anymore when they disappear from the screen. Apparently the phrase "quit while you're ahead" has no meaning to some people.
I must preface this review with a quick explanation of who everyone is so that those who aren't familiar with the series or the later seasons will know what I'm talking about.
The Camdens consist of Reverend Camden, his wife Annie and his children Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon, Ruthie, Sam and David. In Seasons 8 and 9, the son of a soldier---Martin Brewer---lived with the Camdens while his father was in Iraq. His father returned at the end of Season 9, and by Season 10, he and his father are living across the street. Simon Camden spends all of Season 9 sleeping with countless girls, and then, at the end of Season 9, he has an STD scare and decides to change his ways. He can no longer engage in casual sex, so when he meets a girl he wants to sleep with, he decides to get engaged to her to make it OK. This girl is Rose. In the beginning of Season 10, Simon and Rose are engaged. None of the Camdens like her.
Anyway, I think that gets everyone up to speed.
The 10th Season begins with a shocker. We learn that the honorable Martin Brewer (Tyler Hoechlin), who wore his virginity on his sleeve throughout Season 9, knocked up some girl named Sandy (Haylie Duff) the summer before. Simon Camden is horrified. After all, he was the one who invited Martin to visit the college campus where said knocking up occurred, and if it weren’t for his big brotherly goodwill, none of this would have happened.
Pretty much the rest of the season follows this basic plotline. Sandy wants to keep the baby. Martin would like it very much if she got lost. Even before he found out about the baby, he wasn’t all too interested in her, and yet he inexplicably had sex with her during a post-pizza campus tour. Must have been one hell of a pizza.
Ruthie falls in love with a senior named Jack (Garrett Strommen). Ruthie is a sophomore. Reverend Camden isn't thrilled with the idea of his daughter dating an older guy.
Jack was the summer boyfriend of Meredith (Megan Henning). Meredith is willing to trade Ruthie one Jack for one Martin Brewer. Ruthie isn't dating Martin, but they're friends. In case you’re wondering who Meredith is, she’s the foster daughter of the Smiths. The Smiths are the parents of Cecilia. Cecilia is Martin Brewer’s, and Simon Camden’s, ex-girlfriend. The sordidness of this whole affair is not lost on Mrs. Camden, who points out to Ruthie in the first episode that maybe Martin shouldn‘t be dating his ex-girlfriend‘s “sister". Ruthie brushes it off in true Camden fashion. Cecilia has been informed. The convoluted plotting may proceed.
The first episode also introduces the concept of Lucy as an associate pastor. She gives a sermon that puts the whole congregation to sleep.
Rose (Sarah Thompson) and Simon are still engaged. Rose is Sandy’s best friend, and she bristles at the thought that Martin and Sandy might get married before she and Simon do, never mind the fact that Martin can’t even stand being in the same pew as Sandy, let alone the same house for the rest of his life.
With this recap of the first episode complete, you now know how the rest of the season will go.
Never above a little good old-fashioned spying, the members of the Camden household slowly find out the truth about Martin and Sandy, and for a short time after that (an ever so brief period of time, you can be sure) they are put in the difficult position of trying to help Martin without letting him know they know he needs the help.
Meanwhile, Sandy nurtures the fantasy that she and Martin will one day marry and live happily ever after. This fantasy is cruelly shattered on a cold winter night when she wishes Martin a Merry Christmas and he has the temerity to not respond back with a similar well-wishing. She has a bonafide meltdown in Lucy and husband Kevin’s living room, and I have to say that this is the first time I’ve encountered, in a TV show or movie, a character cry over the fact that someone didn’t wish them a Merry Christmas. I’m sure it happens in real life all the time, so I appreciate the fact that we actually get to see such a reaction validated on the screen.
Ruthie wins Jack’s heart, then realizes it’s really Martin she wants after all. Simon is smitten with Rose. His days of alley catting around with the girls are gone. And Rose is as annoying as ever. That’s about all.
This season is certainly a guilty pleasure, but I am a bit disappointed in the way they ruined Martin’s character. In my opinion, the only thing that made his scenes interesting in the past was watching him go out with one slutty tramp after another and then not sleep with them. Apparently the “not sleeping with them” part got old.
Buy Season 10 if you are a diehard 7th Heaven fan. Don’t buy it, though, for the consistency.
See some of the trailers for Season 10 here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MXFMMKwCcY
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